


should go now quietly (what a mess I leave to follow)

by a_sentimental_man



Category: Marvel Cinematic Universe, The Avengers (Marvel Movies)
Genre: Anxiety Attacks, Gen, Heavy Angst, Post-Avengers: Infinity War Part 1 (Movie), Why Did I Write This?
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-12-26
Updated: 2018-12-26
Packaged: 2019-09-27 22:51:31
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 816
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/17170952
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/a_sentimental_man/pseuds/a_sentimental_man
Summary: Tony knew no one was coming for him. He should have realized it sooner.(based on the release of the A4 trailer andthis tweet)





	should go now quietly (what a mess I leave to follow)

It had been a week since Thanos snapped his fingers and ended a significant part of this world’s life along with it. Tony was surprised that he had lasted this long, had even  _ remembered  _ to keep track of the days in the first place. 

It wasn’t as if he had anything else to do. It wasn’t as if he had tried, tried so hard to help, only resulting in an even bigger of a mess than before. 

He had only wanted to keep his loved ones  _ safe  _ \- Peter, Pepper, Rhodey, the Avengers and even Strange, for fucks sake. 

Maybe everyone was right. He should have just left the hero work for the Avengers and just kept on making weapons for them. 

The only thing that he was good at anyway. He gave a bitter laugh, imagining how the Avengers stared at the weapons he made for them with wonder, awe and respect, something that he himself hadn't gotten from any of them. 

It wasn't as if he deserved it. 

But. 

His thoughts kept circling back to when he presented Peter with his inventions for him -the advanced web shooter of his own design, the upgrades to his suit- and even when he had asked Peter to help him tinker with them. He still smiled - albeit painfully- at the sheer joy and wonder that the kid exuded from staring at his inventions, and heck, even him. 

He would be kidding if Tony didn't say that made Tony feel validated for the first time in a long while; that someone truly saw  _ him  _ for the first time more than a person who provided them with weapons, arsenal and nothing else. 

Peter made him feel as if he was doing something worthwhile, as if  _ he,  _ as a person, was doing something good after all. 

It was a pity Tony ruined it for everyone. 

Tony tried unsuccessfully to end this shitty self-deprecating monologue by standing up, his body wracking with coughs as a result of it. 

_ God, he had to love oxygen deprivation _ , he thought, slumping back into as comfortable a position as possibly, trying desperately to forget the memories that were engulfing him, bit by bit. 

*** 

He realized no one was coming for them - for him - on the 2nd week. 

He couldn't blame them, and he told as much to Nebula, his coughs making him almost unable to speak. Her only response was to look at him with sympathy and understanding in her eyes, coming close enough to place her arm upon his shoulder. 

This, more than anything else, provided him more comfort than any words ever could. 

He leaned into the touch, content to know that he deserved what was coming for him, that he was the one who fucked up more than anyone else. 

He was a liability, and he knew it. 

***

Pepper. Rhodey. Happy. The Avengers. 

He had no way of knowing if knowing if any one of them were safe, the thought of losing them - even Steve, despite how much time he pretended that he didn’t care for him - too much to bear. 

(He still had hope, then. That someone out there would magically come and save them, that someone would give him more than a passing thought, that someone would genuinely care about him for once.) 

He’d tried. He’d tried so hard. To get back to Pepper, to his Rhodey, his fucking family - 

But what good was a genius, billionaire, philanthropist with no idea where he was, with less than two weeks’ supply of oxygen and a spaceship that would take more than a few weeks, hell, even a month to repair? 

He could have laughed. 

It was as if the world was plaguing him, taking all that was Tony away from him, leaving someone with a fuckton of issues behind. 

Here he was now, stuck in space, no-one but Nebula to keep him company, unable to do anything to help the world that he had been desperately been trying to keep safe for  _ years.  _

He could still remember Loki’s invasion of Earth, of how he had sensed a deeper darkness ahead. How no-one had listened to him. 

How he could still feel the darkness edging around him, making him feel helpless and afraid.

He supposed it was fitting to die like this, no idea of civilization for a couple of light years, ignored by his friends as he had been during his life. 

It was all too much. 

He could feel his breathing hitch, the onslaught of motions that thought brought him engulfing him like a wave, drowning him until he was just a small, insignificant speck in the bottom of the ocean. 

***

(He collapsed on the 14th day. 

It was all he could do to form coherent thought, enough to think, hope,  _ wish,  _ that maybe he could meet Peter and his mother wherever he was going. 

Even if he didn’t deserve it.) 

**Author's Note:**

> talk to me on [ twitter](https://twitter.com/kiyokograssi)
> 
> special thanks to [tadgh](https://archiveofourown.org/users/Goldstein/pseuds/Goldstein) for being my beta<3


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